❛ i will fight beside you. and in the end, i will see my wife and daughter again. ❜
what had been an attempt to comfort thor’s woes has now seemingly turned back around on him. it’s not your fault, thor. you couldn’t have done anything. if there’s anyone who let people down it’s me, i spent two years killing people, and that’s just the recent list. i’m the monster, here.
way to self-depreciate like a real master, banner. he resists the tempting urge to just punch himself in the face and let the big guy bear the embarrassment. but he can’t. he can’t. because he doesn’t want to hurt thor, and, thanks to thor’s support, doesn’t really want to hurt himself like that either. ‘i–uh,’ his hands and voice both fumble for purchase in what feels like a hole, digging himself deeper and deeper. bruce isn’t often told off nor comforted for his passing self-hate. the usual reactions vary from pity to agreement, or even anger. but the god of thunder doesn’t really look angry, or pitiful. he just looks calm. he just looks like…. his friend.
bruce shakes his head. ’thanks, thor. sorry. i didn’t mean to turn that on me. it’s just that i shouldn’t have let that h-’ thor gives him a look. he tries again. ’it was my f…’ the look hasn’t gone away. he swallows and surrenders. ’it…wasn’t my fault.’
he’s working on a new power regulator for the laboratory. lately, they’ve been having an excess of shorts, and neither bruce nor thor are very happy when the electricity all shuts off because thor was blow-drying his hair while bruce fired up one of his ancient computer towers. god. what a weird situation. he just grunts in response, busy trying to avoid being electrocuted. again.
wait, what? ‘you’re going out?’ he looks distressed. oh, not about the war thing, that’s pretty standard. ‘if it’s only going to take a few hours you’d better bring back more milk. we’re out and i’m not going anywhere.’
※ MORE SHIT I HEARD AT COLLEGE ※
a thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard at college, continued; these are all from my second semester of sophomore year. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.! more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!
- “Please clap for me.”
- “I’m gonna be playing Spanish Sims.”
- “Why do they need my middle fucking initial?”
- “Just support me as a friend!”
- “I don’t care if you think I’m being whiny as fuck, because I probably am, but still.”
- “Scandal: professors are people.”
- “We’re fucking men here, we have full-sized Rice Krispy Treats.”
- “I ate a lot of yogurt, I had great digestive health.”
- “There’s a shoe in the kitchen…?”
- “I don’t really eat meat, but I’d fuck with some Chick-Fil-A.”
- “I could write a whole thesis on how men ain’t shit.”
- “I actually started an illegal gambling ring, once.”
- “You called me a raging bitch yesterday, so…”
- “I’m so lazy, I don’t want to do anything – ooh! fidget spinner!”
- “What the fuck do I look like, Cracker Barrel?”
- “Fix my flatbread motherfucking pizzas!”
- “Did I tell you the bread story?”
- “These fancy rats don’t like crust on their bread.”
- “I said that’s not gonna happen again, and it happened two more times.”
- “He’s seducing this nice lady.”
- “My sheets are still pink. Will anyone know why? The answer is no.”
- “Why would you lick a Bible?”
- “If it makes you feel better, I won’t kill you and bring you back to life.”
- “I don’t cuddle my box of tampons on the beach with my white dress and my white bikini.”
- “Now I know where to hide my dead body.”
- “I was a bigger fan than you, sorry to break it to you, suck my ass.”
- “His hair looks like french fries.”
- “Not my salad bar.”
- “Wow, that’s not very delicious, it tastes like sand.”
- “I have simultaneously the best and worst idea ever.”
- “This man’s dick just won the Super Bowl.”
- “Wait, don’t laugh yet.”
- “Groutfits are the future of this generation, don’t at me.”
- “It smells like poots in here.”
- “I just had this horrifying vision of dropping my Chipotle.”
- “I didn’t want lettuce, I wanted guacamole…! I mixed them up in my head… now I’m pissed.”
- “I’ve just been here for a really long time.”
- “You think I want his hand up my butt right now?”
- “Queso doesn’t belong, even though queso always belongs.”
- “I thought I got a 100 but I got a 33.”
- “I wonder if the ice is slippery.”
- “The only ticket I’ve ever gotten was from a bicycle cop.”
- “Muffin men stay there for muffin conventions.”
- “I just paid a stranger $10 to paint my tits, happy Mardi Gras.”
- “I cut my finger on a chainsaw, but it’s fine.”
- “You’re so optimistic, and I’m, like, dying.”
- “Get off of that zebra, young woman.”
- “My parents didn’t let me watch the Teletubbies because they thought I’d be brainwashed.”
- “Did you just say swag? You just imploded your whole argument.”
- “He’s perfect in every way, he loves the Lord, except the Lord is Satan.”
- “I have a problem with authority.”
- “I don’t make these rules. Nuns make these rules.”
- “The only things in that town were a movie theater and a pecan store, and we’d already been to the pecan store.”
- “Be right back, I have to go fight a war. Should only take a few hours, though.”
- “If you put purple on anything smelly, it’s lavender.”
- “I can’t see, you can’t hear, and what can’t Jess do…? Math.”
- “Are you shitting me? They called at 10 o’clock to say the dog has diarrhea?”
- “I’m gonna punch a child.”
- “I’m stressed, I’m stressed, I’m so fucking stressed (hell yeah).”
- “Who the fuck is in Mountain Time? Utah? Dakota, North and South?”
- “She’s a certified side hoe.”
- “There’s no crying in the club. Fortunately for me, this is not the club.”
- “I asked the void to rate me on a scale of one to ten.”
- “Oh, no… don’t defile the fruit…”
- “Did you just call a hospital a medical salon?”
- “That sad moment when you’re bleeding to death and you can’t eat peanut butter crackers.”
- “They called me the flea, I ran so fast.”
- “Today, instead of carrying a plastic fork with my Lysol, it’s a napkin. We’ve changed secondary weapons.”
- “I injured myself snapping too violently.”
- “Son of a fuck cracker.”
- “Don’t be alarmed, but has anyone seen my gun?”
- “My whole life, I’ve always thought that those orange strips in salad was cheese. Turns out, it’s been carrots this whole time.”
- “Jesus is one, he’s two.”
- “Science is dead now. No more science.”
- “I mean, you could also, theoretically, have sex in the woods.”
- “I just wanna make movies and cry.”
- “Hi, I’m depressed, but my name is David.”
- “I thought there was one… turns out that there’s five.”
- “My name is Kathy, I’m a pissed off soccer mom, why is my child not starting? I paid all this money.”
- “We could all bring cardboard cutouts of ourselves, and it wouldn’t be the same.”
- “I’m five. Six on a good day.”
- “I can’t catch a break – everything just breaks.”
- “I strive to be the best-smelling person people know.”
- “I did a push-up yesterday.”
- “Not to be dramatic, but I’d rather die than walk across campus.”
- “Y’all look like scary-ass nuns.”
- “Wait, that’s not in Hamlet.”
- “Our lord and savior is Nicolas Cage, fuckers. Get it right.”
- “It’s always tracksuit weather.”
- “I owe you either an Icee or my firstborn, whichever you’d prefer.”
- “Okay, Black Panther characters, let’s see. We’ve got T’Challa. We’ve got… bad T’Challa.”
- “Without sororities, the glitter industry would’ve been dead years ago.”
- “Honeymoon is just a nicer way to say fuckfest.”
- “Oh my god, someone wants my drugs.”
- “I was driving here to take this exam, and a car accident happened right in front of me and almost hit me, and I almost wanted it to hit me so I didn’t have to take this exam.”
- “He has the emotional range of a teaspoon.”
some ask meme. / @allistrange.
beyonce? well. stephen isn’t necessarily wrong, he’s got a good point – it’s just, bruce really, really likes wallowing. what’s easier? pushing through the difficulties and holding your head high? or sitting back with some radiohead and crying a little. the answer is obvious. with some considerable reluctance, banner slowly turns down the crooning tune of sad garbage playing from his speakers, aptly choosing to deflect rather than defend. ‘when the hell did you get into beyonce? i’d assumed you to be more of a…a….’ he gestures vaguely, jittery as ever, ’winter by vivaldi kind of guy. i’m surprised by your good taste.’
some ask meme. / @battlefall.
bruce knows a lot about taking care of himself. meditation, medication, education, hiding, running, trying new things, getting stuck in old routines, seeking help, helping himself – he’s tried it all. been there, done that, twice over. sometimes, the repetition just as well as the unfamiliarity of his attempts have driven him almost to the point of giving up. and maybe he’s not better, maybe he won’t ever be, but bruce banner is nothing if not knowledgeable on different methods of self care. buy a bath bomb, get a therapist, set some shit on fire.
there’s a lot of options, and he’s more than willing to sit down with thor and go through the list. hell, he’ll brainstorm new ones. so he just drops himself into the chair right next to thor, uses one hand to grab his big hand in his own and the other to pat his arm, and smiles comfortingly. ‘i’ll help you. don’t even worry about it – i’m an expert. and val and i are here to help! you don’t have to do anything– uh, alone, you know.’
different ways to say ‘i love you’.
- ‘i’ll make you something, yeah? your favorite dish, just for you.’
- ‘let’s get you back to bed.’
- ‘shh, it was just a nightmare.’
- ‘you like this, don’t you? i remember you saying that.’
- ‘i drew up a bath for you.’
- ‘you need rest.’
- ‘you ought to be asleep.’
- ‘i bought two.’
- ‘here. you can have the rest.’
- ‘i thought of you when i saw this.’
- ‘i like your smile.’
- ‘you have a cute laugh.’
- ‘stay there. i’m coming there to get you.’
- ‘it’s okay, i’m here, we’re okay.’
- ‘be careful.’
- ‘look both ways.’
- ‘you mean so much to me.’
- ‘i can’t lose you.’
- ‘i thought i might have lost you.’
- ‘how to you feel about the nickname, (insert nickname)?’
- ‘it looks good on you.’
- ‘i’ll make you soup.’
- ‘ah-ah-ah. you’re sick. you need to stay in bed.’
- ‘are you okay in there?’
- ‘that’s it, that’s it. get it all out. shh.’
- ‘it’s a remedy i knew. helps with your throat.’
- ‘it’s a lullaby. would you like me to sing it to you? would that help you fall asleep?’
- ‘i’m worried about you.’
- ‘what do you want to watch?’
- ‘where would you like to go for dinner?’
- ‘close your eyes and hold out your hands.’
- ‘we’ll figure it out.’
- ‘oh, it’s not big deal. you’re fine.’
- ‘i brought you some medicine for your cold.’
- ‘you’re important to me.’
- ‘this is your favorite song, right?’
- ‘you’re like a son/daughter to me.’
- ‘good luck!’
- ‘you’re like a mom/dad to me.’
- ‘don’t say that about yourself.’
- ‘want to come with?’
- “wow! you look really nice.’
- ‘goodnight, (insert term of affection).’
- ‘it’s okay. i couldn’t sleep anyway.’
- ‘you can have half.’
- ‘come here. let me fix it.’
- ‘your tie is crooked.’
- ‘c’mere. shh, it’s okay.’
- ‘i’m not going to hurt you.’
- ‘can i touch you?’
- ‘can i kiss you?’
- ‘can i hug you?’
- ‘promise.’
- ‘would i ever lie to you?’
- ‘i think you’re very beautiful/handsome.’
- ‘hey, good-looking.’
- ‘of course i care. you’re my family.’
- ‘one more chapter.’
- ‘i love you.’
A GOOD MAN, A GOOD HEART.
independent t’challa of black panther & infinity war.
mcu & headcanon based / penned by sami.